Chapter IV

Things changed when she went to college. That was a year after the fateful accident.

I knew how difficult it must have been for her. On top of juggling school work, she worked evenings and weekends at a local club. At school, Elisabeth became friends with this group of people her age. Gradually I saw less of her. She started to spend more time hanging out with her clique, staying out late... even not coming home at times. Occasionally her friends will drop by for a sleepover. They were polite towards me, but that was about it. I never could become part of that circle.

I started to feel left out of her life. She no longer confided in me. Instead, she would spend hours on the phone with one of her friends if there was something on her mind.

The time I spent with her simply diminished. We no longer went for the long walks that we used to take together after dinner. We barely even have dinner together anymore. Guess that is just normal. She does have the right to a normal life after all. I should be thankful that she even continued to pay any attention to me.

Things just got worse when Elisabeth got to know this guy, Pierre.

Maybe it was due to jealousy, but I never did like him.

Pierre was fresh-faced, clean-cut and blonde – like one of those smiling college poster boys with a set of pearly white teeth you would see in a recruitment ad. According to Elisabeth, he was one of the most widely-sought after seniors among the campus’ female population – wealthy, intelligent and the kind every girl would love to bring home to the parents.

I shouldn’t be complaining. He treated her well. As far as I can remember, he never made her cry.

Guess I was just selfish. I should have been happy for Elisabeth – that she managed to find someone who is capable of taking care of her for the rest of her life, but deep down, I simply could not find the strength to accept him. Especially since, Pierre did not like me.

He never did show his disdain for me openly, but I could see it from the way he looked at me. It was as if I was a burden whom he could not wait to get rid of. I was always sent out of the room when he came over to spend the night. Occasionally, I was even told to leave the house for a couple of hours – to take a walk outside all on my own. Even during winter, it happened.

I started to resent Pierre.

If it wasn’t for him, my Princess wouldn’t have treated me this way, or would she?

Drunk....
Was thinking about what to write before i chanced upon this event, getting drunk.

What causes people to be drunk? Before yesterday, i was thinking liquor + activity surely gets people drunk. But it seems like no activity may causes drunk too. That's wat happens to me, 5 shots of 40% vodka doesn't seem a lot to me, but 3 hours later, the kick came in, and i was almost out very soon. But i didn't do much, just laughing away only. Sigh....i failed my drinking test...

Sometimes, the kick doesn't kick in till much later. And when u are wrongingly assuming that chey, not much effect... Drink la.! Till few hours later, u will simply be knocked out, cold.... Drinks like Long Island.... Yah, it's really long before u passed out with the mistaken conception it doesn't hurt....

Mixing.... Mixing with other wine, beer, alcohol, mixers..... all do the job of catalysts. Red wine and beer do the trick most of the time, whereas coffee is preferred in unusual mixing. Mixing other alcohol can be unpleasant. Usually the taste is the deciding factor. Simple tip, however good u are in holding your liquor, dun mix unless u wan to be drunk.

Quote of the Day: Get a Life, Be E-M-O

Headline of the Day: DaWuGui has no nipples O.O!!!

Weird story of the Day: DaWuGui intends to rape Malao.

Poor little tuttle... play dai dee kenna bully. Everyone seems to skip his turn. Lolx.

Chapter III

The years that followed, with her by my side – or rather, with me being by her side – were the best times of my life. We did almost everything together… after school, that is. Somehow I wasn’t allowed into certain places. Guess it’s due to my disability. I noticed that I command stares from passer-bys and at times, even children shun me. Once, I had a group of teens throw rocks at me. It was Elisabeth that managed to get them to stop.

My sweet Elisabeth. How I loved watching her grow up. How I loved growing up with her.

Tragedy struck when she was twenty. I didn’t know the exact details, but both her parents were killed in an automobile accident. Apparently, their car collided with a trailer as they swerved to avoid an SUV filled with a bunch of drunken kids coming their way. Both were killed on the spot, or so I heard. Elisabeth didn’t even get to say goodbye.

She sobbed for days and nights. I felt totally helpless. I could only share her pain, not relieve it. I tried to stay by her side every single minute. But at times, she pushed me away – wanting to be alone. The gesture hurt, but not as badly as it hurt when I see her cry. How I hated to see those beautiful eyes overflowing with tears. I hated the way her fragile shoulders shook when she uttered one heart-rending sob after another. Most of all, I hated myself for being that helpless.

“You are all that I have now.”

Those words brought about mixed feelings. I was exhilarated that I had a place in her heart, guilty that I felt any form of happiness when I should really be grieving with her and afraid at the same time. I just can’t help thinking if I was ever going to be good enough. With my disability, what could I have possibly offered her?

Reflecting on this… well, maybe. Maybe if I was stronger, I could somehow protect her. Maybe if I was good enough, I would have been able to give her everything she wanted.

Maybe it was my weakness that eventually tore the both of us apart.

Which one is you?

When starring Death in the eye, faced with a difficult situation (eg. being trapped in a house with the walking dead all around you), different people will have different responses. The kinda response a person has not only reflects his/her current mood; it also offers an insight into the person's character. Here are a couple of scenarios:

1. "I don't wanna die..." - person is pretty much resigned to the fact that he/she is gonna die, but is somehow unwilling to do so (without much of a reason I should add). Person is simply stating his/her wish, without much desire to change his/her situation. This kinda person is the "follower" kind who doesn't have much of a will. Probably someone with a monotonous life dictated by someone else - the puppet dancing along to the tune of the puppetmaster.

2. "I can't die." - person wishes to die... but realises that no matter what happens, he/she will get thru' the ordeal somehow... and he/she ain't too happy about it. Pretty much illustrates the person's hopelessness in Life. A person like this, probably has a blow dealt to him/her in the past. A blow that he/she never really recovered from, and such a person probably just goes thru' Life without much motivation. The only reason why he/she is still alive is coz he/she simply isn't dead yet.

3. "I can't die!" - note the difference in punctuation in this compared to the previous one. Such a comment reflects a person's will to live. He/she probably has some commitment that hath yet been fulfilled. A person like this is probably someone with honour. Someone who will keep a promise at all costs. It also conveys that the person has some kinda hope in life. Hmm... thinking further... there's a high probablity that the person has someone he/she loves in Life, probably married or in a good r/s.

4. "I won't die!" - a person who knows that something has to be done, and is willing to do it. A person with drive and a will to succeed. Such a person will probably end up climbing up the corporate ladder. On the flip side of a coin, such a person is probably too arrogant for his/her own good & is under the illusion that he/she will never fail. *grinx* When he/she does fail, he/she will fall further than anyone of the above mentioned.

5. "I will glady die, if that's the will of God" - need I even elaborate further on this?

So yeah ~ the question that I'd like you to think about rite now is - what kinda person are u? I'm probably Type no. 2.

Shrimps and prices

Today i'm going to talk about shrimps.
These are my personal experiences.
There are more but i will just focus on these 11 types of shrimps

Basically, there's a few type of fresh water shrimps available in Singapore. Namely
1. Ghost Shrimp
--> Otherwise known as feeder Shrimps. V cheap. Can get easily 30 for around 2 bucks. Unattractive, physically transparent but very aggressive in food-fighting. Basically useless except for feeding other fishes.

2. Malayan Shrimp
--> A blackish shrimp. Relatively cheap. Cheapest i found is 30cents each from Local Fish Shop (LFS). Similar to black shell shrimp but less metallic black.

3. Black Shell Shrimp
--> Quite hard to find good grades in Singapore. They are metallic blackish in colour. U can get one for $1.00++ in LFS if found.

4. Cherry Shrimp
--> A shrimp ranging from pinkish to reddish. Cheap and hardy. Easiest to find in Singapore besides feeder shrimps. Ranges from the price of 20cents to 80cents in Singapore. Good beginner shrimp

5. Yamato Shrimp
--> very similar to Ghost shrimp except you can find one line of dots along its body. Very effective algae clearing shrimp and a curious little fella. Tend to scurry about looking for food. Around $1 per pc.

6. Blue/Green Shrimp
--> Not much known about them. Turns blue, green according to the condition of the water. Hardly opaque. Quite cheap too although not very common. Maybe a mutant of ghost shrimp. Costs around 40cents - 70cents per pc.

7. Rudolph Shrimp
--> Long-bodied shrimp with red on it's tip and "spinal area". Very tough fish to rear. Not recommended for beginners. At least $1 per pc.

8. Tiger Shrimp
--> Another fickle shrimp. It's bodies are striped, similiar to a tiger, hence the name. Not easy to rear. Quite cheap. 50cents per pc.

9. Bee Shrimp
--> not to be confused with black diamond shrimp. A shrimp with a black/transparent pattern like a zebra. Relatively hardy. Cheap too. 50cents per pc.

10. Pink Zebra Shrimp
--> VERY rare and VERY brittle shrimp. The possible mutated offspring of tiger shrimp. Very timid fellow that hardly comes out to feed. Costs around 3.50 per pc.

11. Crystal Red / (and Black Diamond) Shrimp
--> The king of shrimps here. not in terms of their physical characteristic but in terms of rearing. The last and final stop for shrimp rearers. very pretty shrimp. With red/white zebra-like patterns (with black/white pattern for black diamond. - note the difference with bee shrimp?). The only shrimp with grades. Grades with C, B, A, S, SS, SSS with some extra "birthmarks" like 'No-Entry Sign', 'Hinomaru', 'Tiger Tooth' ...
Rough Prices for
C -> 1.00 - 1.50
B -> 3.00 - 6.00
A -> 6.00 - 10.00
S -> 20.00 - 30.00
SS -> 80 - 100
SSS -> >150
Maybe this is the reason why they are called the king of shrimps too.

News Alert! Zombies Are Attacking!

Here is a scenario that's been playing in my head quite often. What happen if the undead starts to attack us? Where would you go? What would you do? Yes, I been watching way too much zombie flicks.

Now, I ain't talking slow moving zombies that you can simply walk past them. I am talking about fast moving zombies, the likes of those in '28 Days Later' and the 'Dawn Of The Dead' remake. Those that will wet your pants when you see them running at you.

For me, if one morning [hardly unlikely I wake up in the morning] I wake up to find myself in zombie nation, I probably phone my parents 1st. Since, I'm at Meow's place most of the time. But unless, the zombies are trigger by cellphone...as in Stephen King's Cell. Then I guess I'm good as dead anyway.

In the book 'Cell', people starts to turn into zombie-like because of a pulse in cellphones. And about a few minutes, anyone who answer a cellphone, will turn into violent psycho zombies. And if such thing happens now, chances are majority of us will turn to zombies. How many people you know that doesn't own a handphone?

So if is trigger by cellphone, then I guess is alright to SMS. According to the book, it never state SMS as a trigger. That is if you know the cause of all these zombies are from cellphone. Now, if that's the case. I probably use the housephone...to call someone I hate on their cellphone. HEH.

Here are couple of things to do when zombies attack. Feel free to add on.

[1] Before zombies attack your place, store as much food as you can in your house. Also bottle water, just in case public water are affected.

[2] Don't use a cellphone to contact anyone [read 'Cell']. Use housephone. And when calling the other person, make sure you are calling their HOUSEphone not their CELLphones!

[3] If you got a car? Good, park it direct behind your house. If you are living a few floors up, use a rope to climb down the roof of your car and prey no zombies nibble your leg. A car is good for escaping.

[4] Lock all doors and windows that are beside the corridoor. [Don't lock all then you die from lack of air]

[5] Since we don't have guns [is against the law here] grab whatever things that is long and hard [not your dick] for defend.

[6] Hit their head [not your head, the zombies's!]

[7] Cut off their head if you got the balls to get near. [Again, I'm referring to zombies's head and your own balls.]

[8] Use internet to pak games and chat.

[9] Have sex. For is probably the last chance you going to get.

[10] Don't hide in the shopping mall. There might be a lot of food and drinks but there aren't safe. [Watch 'Dawn Of The Dead']

[11] If you are bitten by a zombie, BITE THE REST OF YOUR FRIENDS!!

Chapter II

She must have been about 15 years old, a teenager, but she has this air of childish innocent aura surrounding her. It was as if Time never took a toll on her at all. I fell in love with everything about her. Her eyes, her smile, her voice... especially her hair. Soft. Red. Cascading around her shoulders, falling to her waist. That day, as she stepped out of the car, the wind was blowing. Her locks are like tendrils drifting with the elements, framing her delicate features so perfectly that I thought I must be staring into the face of an angel. She didn't look wind-blown. She looked wind-kissed. I can't say the same for the others who emerged from the car with her.

Our eyes met. Something passed between us - or at least, it did seem that way to me. At that point of time, I knew that she is the girl I'll live for. Probably, she will be the one I'll die for too.

She must have known that our destinies are interwined somehow too, for immediately she turned to a middle aged man. I didn't manage to overhear the words they spoke, but it was apparent that they were talking about me for occasionally either one will throw a glance in my direction. A middle age woman joined the conversation. More words were exchanged. I tried not to fidget, I tried not to look too concerned; but deep down curiousity threatened to consume me whole - inside out.

After what seemed like an eternity later, the middle aged man beckoned to me. I shuffled over. He scrutinized me from head to toe. Afterwhich, he made a phone phonecalls. I could her him describing me to the people who were on the other side of the line. Then finally, he gave what it seemed to be a nod of approval. She needed no further encouragement. Smiling widely, she placed her hand on my shoulder and whispered into my ear, "from today, you will be part of our family... you will be my brother."

"And you will be my Princess," I thought to myself.

Her name? Elisabeth. Princess Elisabeth.

[To be Continued...]

Coping with Break-ups

Unfortunate it may be, not all relationships are destined to last forever. Independent of one's will, couples go their separate ways. Generally, one party will be hurt deeper than the other. I ain't even gonna bother going thru' the reasons for the above-mentioned. However, after all is said and done, humans have different ways of coping. I've divided them into stages... coz from what I notice, people go thru' all these in a certain chronological order.

[Disclaimer: I ain't insisting that everyone goes thru' the same phases. Am just writing this based on observation & personal experience & I decided to classify everything so that it looks "neater". Also, there are times when the stages are not 'obvious' - it is also possible for someone to be in both stages @ the same point of time. And yes, I am generalising.]

:: STAGE ONE ::

Denial - when one party refuses to believe that the relationship is over, and still harbours thoughts of getting back together with the other party. This is when a person wishes to still "stay friends" despite the break-up & continue doing things the couple used to do... only this time, without the 'status' (ie. constant SMSes, phonecalls, going out like nothing's happened... etc.). Generally, the person still clings on to the hope that the break-up was just a bad dream, and that he/she will wake up from it.

My point of view? Face it. The relationship is O-V-E-R. Things won't be the way they used to be. It is just human nature for one party to start avoiding another - to put a distance between the ex-couple during the healing process. Furthermore, in many circumstances, there will be negative feelings involved. Time is needed for the negative feelings to dwindle. I ain't saying that friendship is impossible. What I'm saying that - it is possible, but not at that point of time. Perhaps some years down the road... the ex-couple will get over the hurt, put things behind them and develop a friendship based on the qualities that drew them together in the 1st place. *shrugx* who knows?

:: STAGE TWO ::

Depression - This normally happens after the denial stage - when the person clinging on finally realises that there's no hope of things going back to the way they used to be & gives up trying. The person will start feeling depressed. Usually, it'll mean crying alot. This is when a person is really vulnerable - even normal everyday things may trigger a flood of tears. Thoughts of suicide, low self esteem + self-destructive actions... are common.

At this point of time, some folks resort to:

Binging - be it on alcohol, food... or whatever. This is one really common scenario. People getting piss-drunk day in and out after a breakup, turning to alcohol to numb the pain; people resorting to deriving respite from food.

My point of view? Hmm... dunno about food, but alcohol does work - only for the moment though. Getting pissed drunk, then falling asleep, forgetting everything for a while. The only problem is, itz twice as shitty the next morning - coz when the effects of the booze clear up, the emotions return & this time, you have a hangover on top of it. Now deal with that!

Or:

Burying - mostly oftenly, in work... and occasionally other activities (ie. exercise). The person just works himself/herself to exhaustion, hoping that by doing so, the emotions will be buried deep within & not surface.

My point of view? Another manifestation of self-denial. And should you resort to this, pray that you have sufficient willpower... coz if ur will caves in, good luck, coz you'll end up feeling both mentally & physically drained.

Or:

Substitution - there are 2 kinds of substitution I can think of.

One better known as rebound relationships. When the afflicted person seeks out another to fill the void the original partner left when he/she departed. Usually, the substitute will be a person who resembles the original in some form - either character-wise or appearance-wise. In most cases, it'll be someone who is easily accessible as well.

The other will be having flings - relationshps that are w/o emotional commitment. This is when the afflicted person actively seeks another, usually for physical stuff, in order to repair the damaged self-esteem.

Generally females are more prone to having the former, and males the latter.

My point of view? Fucked up (even though there are certain rare circumstances that rebound relationships do work out in the end). No one deserves to be used as a substitute. Just coz you are hurting doesn't mean you gotta go out there to hurt someone else - especially someone else who is innocent.

:: STAGE THREE ::

Anger - When anger becomes the main emotion. Depression normally comes along with a hint of anger... but this is when anger becomes really evident. A person will feel strongly that the other has did him/her wrong. This is when you start to hate your ex. You will start realising that you deserve better, and that it ain't totally your fault that the r/s didn't work out. Self-esteem starts to improve & tears don't come that often anymore. Old photographs are torn up, some items discarded... etc.

Common actions include:

Ranting - to anyone who is around to listen. About all the negative aspects of the ex, about how oneself has been let down... etc.

My point of view? Good. It certainly beats putting yourself down. Just don't take it too far.

Revenge Dating - hurt others the way you have been hurt. Finding no constructive way to release all that anger, you go all out to date others who may have a soft spot for you. Charming them, getting what you want, then dumping them... just to see them bleed.

My point of view? People who do this should really go to Hell. Coz they are no better than those who murder innocent children outta some sadistic desire. Note: Revenge dating is different from substitution. Substitution is normally done subconciously, w/o much thought. Revenge dating is done with a purpose.

Pure Revenge - on the ex. When the afflicted person attempts to ruin the ex's life the way his/hers have been "ruined" due to the break-up. There are many different ways to do this - stalking... physically hurting the ex... etc.

My point of view? This gets you no where coz revenge only begets further vengeance. Plus you might end up behind bars.

:: STAGE FOUR ::

Healing - when the pain starts to fade... and when a person finally starts to "let go" of everything. This is when you are able to talk about your past r/s without feeling any extreme emotions, except a soft sense of melancholy. This is when you can look back on the good times you shared as a couple & be glad that it ever took place. This is when you start to realise that perhaps things were just not meant to be - that Fate never decreed for you to be together. You no longer hate your ex. This is when you can finally move on with your life. This is also when the ex-couple can finally become friends.

My point of view? It's difficult to reach this stage. At times, complete healing is impossible. One thing for sure though, you'll never be the same person you were before... coz no matter how much your wounds have healed, the scars will still remain. *shrugx* I guess, if you have reached this stage, only then you are ready for a new r/s.