Chapter III

The years that followed, with her by my side – or rather, with me being by her side – were the best times of my life. We did almost everything together… after school, that is. Somehow I wasn’t allowed into certain places. Guess it’s due to my disability. I noticed that I command stares from passer-bys and at times, even children shun me. Once, I had a group of teens throw rocks at me. It was Elisabeth that managed to get them to stop.

My sweet Elisabeth. How I loved watching her grow up. How I loved growing up with her.

Tragedy struck when she was twenty. I didn’t know the exact details, but both her parents were killed in an automobile accident. Apparently, their car collided with a trailer as they swerved to avoid an SUV filled with a bunch of drunken kids coming their way. Both were killed on the spot, or so I heard. Elisabeth didn’t even get to say goodbye.

She sobbed for days and nights. I felt totally helpless. I could only share her pain, not relieve it. I tried to stay by her side every single minute. But at times, she pushed me away – wanting to be alone. The gesture hurt, but not as badly as it hurt when I see her cry. How I hated to see those beautiful eyes overflowing with tears. I hated the way her fragile shoulders shook when she uttered one heart-rending sob after another. Most of all, I hated myself for being that helpless.

“You are all that I have now.”

Those words brought about mixed feelings. I was exhilarated that I had a place in her heart, guilty that I felt any form of happiness when I should really be grieving with her and afraid at the same time. I just can’t help thinking if I was ever going to be good enough. With my disability, what could I have possibly offered her?

Reflecting on this… well, maybe. Maybe if I was stronger, I could somehow protect her. Maybe if I was good enough, I would have been able to give her everything she wanted.

Maybe it was my weakness that eventually tore the both of us apart.